Women as WivesAllah, the Exalted, says in the Glorious Qur’an:
(Among
His signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that
you may find tranquility in them, and He has put between you affection
and mercy.)
[30:21]
One of the great signs of the Benevolence,
Mercy and Power of Allah, the Exalted, is that He created for mankind
mates, one from the other, so that they are comforted, satisfied and
assisted by one another. The basic foundation of the society is the
family, and the husband and the wife are co-partners in that family upon
which a Muslim home is established. For the success of the family and
the tranquility of the home, Islam grants each spouse certain rights and
duties. We will only focus on the rights of the wives in the following
section.
Dowry
A dowry is the right of every
bride at the time of marriage. A marriage contract is not considered
legal and complete unless and until a dowry has been specified. This
right cannot be forfeited, even if the bride approves, until after the
marriage contract is completed. The dowry belongs to the woman entering
marriage, and she has the freedom to do whatever she wants with what she
owns after the marriage contract is fulfilled. Allah, the Exalted,
states in the Glorious Qur’an:
(Give the women whom you marry their
dowry with a good heart. If they remit any part of it to you, of their
own good pleasure, take it and enjoy it fully without fear of any harm.)
[4:4]
The
husband is not allowed to take anything back from the dowry if he
decides later to divorce her; as Allah, the Exalted, states in the
Glorious Qur’an:
(If you intend to replace a wife by another and you
have given one of them a huge sum of gold as dowry, take not the least
of it back; would you take it wrongfully without a right and with a
manifest sin. And how can you take it back while you have entered with
intimate relationship unto each other, and they (the wives) have taken
from you a firm and strong covenant?)
[4:20-1]
This verse
indicates, significantly, the sacredness of the marriage vows and the
intimacy of the marriage relationship, as well as the right of retaining
the dowry gift in case of divorce. Allah, the Exalted, also states in
the Glorious Qur’an:
(O you who believe! You are forbidden to inherit
women against their will, and you should not treat them with harshness,
that you may take away part of the dowry you have given them, unless
they commit open illegal sexual intercourse. Live with them honorably;
if you dislike them, it may be that you dislike a thing and Allah brings
through it a great deal of good.
[4:19]
This verse ensures the
wife’s rights and complete justice even if the man dislikes her for any
reason. This is also mentioned in an authentic prophetic tradition
wherein Abu Hurairah (may Allah exalt their mention) reported that the
Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said:
“A believer must not
hate a believing woman (i.e. his wife): if he dislikes one of her
characteristics, he will be pleased with another.”
[Muslim #1469]
Financial Support
The
husband must give honorable and sufficient sustenance to his household
according to his status and means. Allah, the Exalted, says:
(Let the
rich man spend according to his means, and the man whose resources are
restricted, let him spend according to what Allah has given him. Allah
puts no burden on any person beyond what He has given him. Allah will
grant after hardship ease.)
[65:7]
If a sufficiently rich man
refuses to spend on his family in accordance with his level of means,
and the wife was able to take a portion of his wealth, she may take that
which satisfies her essential needs and that of her children, avoiding
wastage and extravagance. Hind bint ‘Utbah came to the Prophet (Peace be
upon Him) complaining about her husband, saying:
“My husband is a miser and does not spend enough on me and his children.”
He replied: “Take whatever suffices you and your child within proper bounds.”
[Bukhari #5049]
If
a husband came under heavy financial strain and was incapable of
fulfilling his family’s financial needs, or if he left his wife for an
extensive period of time, whereby the wife was harmed due to that
absence, the wife is entitled to seek court intervention, if she desires
to annul that marriage, as indicated by the verdicts of the jurists in
Islamic jurisprudence. The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him)
explained these rights when he said:
“Fear Allah in (the affairs of)
women for you have taken them by the oath of Allah, and made their
intimate relations legal by the sacred word of Allah: your right is that
no one you dislike should (be allowed to enter) sit on your bed (or
cushions), and if this happens then you may hit them lightly, and their
right is that you feed and clothe them within proper bounds.”
[Muslim #1218]
The Prophet (Peace be upon Him) said to his companion Sa’ad ibn Abi Waqqas (may Allah exalt their mention):
“No
amount you spend on your family seeking reward from Allah but that He
will reward you even if it is a bite of food that you put in your wife’s
mouth.
[Bukhari #2592 & Muslim #1628]
Justice, Equality and Fairness
Men
who are married to more than one wife are required to act with justice,
fairness and equality in dealing with them. This includes provision,
clothing, housing and sharing his time, concerns and intimate relations.
Allah, the Beneficent, says:
(And if you fear that you shall not be
able to deal justly with the orphan-girls, then marry (other) women of
your choice, two or three or four, but if you fear that you shall not be
able to deal justly (with them), then only one or (the captives and the
slaves) that your right hands possess. That is better to prevent you
from doing injustice.)
[4:3]
The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said:
“He
who has two wives and leans to one as opposed to the other will come on
the Day of Resurrection with one of his sides fallen.”
[Abu Dawood #2133 & Tirmidhi #1141, & others and verified]
This
indicates that the husband must demonstrate justice, fairness and
equality amongst all his wives. He is warned of this dire punishment of
paralysis and deformity in the hereafter, just as he paralyzed and
deformed the rights of one of his wives in this world. It is unlawful
for a man to mistreat his wife in any fashion with abuse, hardships,
harassment, undue burdens, insults, beatings, abuse to her wealth and
funds, forbidding her from lawful outings, etc in an attempt to force
her to pay all that she possesses as ransom to her husband so that he
may release her through divorce. Islamic laws do permit the husband to
impose certain restrictions upon the wife that displays some immoral and
shameful conduct, dishonorable to him and his family, and harmful to
the entire society and social order. The purpose of these restrictions
is to seek her to return to proper behavior. Those who continue to act
indiscreetly, leading to suspicion of actual infidelity may be offered
divorce, just as she may seek “Khul” wherein she asks for dissolving the
marriage contract due to his misbehavior.
Protection and Preservation
A
husband must protect and prevent his wife and children from any
possible harm or immorality to the best of his abilities. Allah, the
Exalted, says:
(O you who believe! Save yourselves and your families
from a Fire whose fuel is Men and Stones, over which are (appointed)
angels stern (and) severe, who disobey not the Commands they receive
from Allah, and do what they are commanded.)
[66:6]
All that protects from unlawful and shameful deeds is commendable, but extremism is not. He (Peace be upon Him) also said:
“There
is a kind of jealousy that Allah loves and a kind which He hates: the
kind that he loves is in the doubtful acts, and the kind he hates is in
the acts without any doubt.”
[Abu Dawood #2659 & Nasa`e #2558]
Certain
types of jealousy are acceptable and commendable, and others are not,
as the Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) explained above, and in a
verified tradition he said:
“Verily Allah gets jealous and the believer gets jealous and the jealousy of Allah is to see a believer doing unlawful acts.”
[Bukhari #4925, & Muslim #2761]
Companionship, care and intimate relationships
A
husband must live with his wife honorably, kindly and with respect. He
must maintain a decent, clean and acceptable appearance when he relaxes
in his household, just as he likes his wife to do for him at home, since
this is only mutual respect and decency to one another. The Prophet of
Allah (Peace be upon Him) said, encouraging and explaining the
comprehensive principle about good character and behavior:
“The most complete believers are those with the best characters, and the best of you are those who are best to their womenfolk.”
[Tirmidhi #1162 & Ibn Hibbaan and verified]
The
Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) used to mend his own clothes or
shoes and help his wives with their daily chores. His wife Aishah (may
Allah exalt their mention) was once asked:
“What did the Messenger of Allah use to do while at home?”
She responded: “He used to serve and assist his household, and when he would hear the call to prayer, he would leave to pray.”
[Bukhari #644]
The
Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) was always pleasant, kind and
caring to all, and would occasionally play and joke politely with his
family members. The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said:
“Everything
without containing the remembrance of Allah is just amusement and play
except four: to joke and play with one’s wife, to train one’s horse, to
walk between two destinations, and to learn swimming.”
[Nasa'e # 8939 and verified]
This
tradition indicates that most pastimes and amusements are built merely
for play, a waste of time and are therefore without reward, except these
mentioned above which are useful, lawful, and fulfill valid beneficial
purposes. Allah’s Prophet (Peace be upon Him) is also well known for
being cheerful and decent in joking with his family and playing with
them. An example of this fun pastime is when ‘Aishah(Peace be upon Him)
the mother of the believers, said:
Allah’s Prophet (Peace be upon
Him) raced with me and I won the race before I grew and gained weight.
After I became a bit older and put on weight he raced with me again and
he won. The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said to me upon winning
the race:
“This (win of mine makes up) for that (win of yours).”
[Ahmad #26320 & Abu Dawood #2578 ]
The
Messenger of Allah (Peace be upon Him) is reported to have sat in the
house for a short while with his family, talking to them, giving them
company and showing kindness, before going to sleep, and after offering
the late evening prayer. In the authentic traditions we find that Ibn
Abbas (may Allah exalt their mention) narrated:
“I slept at the house
of Maymunah (his aunt and the Prophet’s wife) one night to see the
Prophet’s worship in night prayer. He talked with his wife for a period
of time, and then slept. Later in the night he awakened and prayed what
Allah had written for him.”
[Bukhari #4293 & Muslim #763 ]
Allah, the Exalted, states in the Glorious Qur’an:
(Indeed
in the Messenger of Allah you have a good example to follow for whoever
has hope in (the Meeting with) Allah and the Last Day, and remembers
Allah much.)
[33:21]
Hence, Allah’s Prophet (Peace be upon Him) is
the best exmple to follow for all of us, the believing Muslims. Muslims
ought to follow the pattern of Allah’s Prophet (Peace be upon Him) in
all of their affairs, personal and public, throughout their lives. All
the secrets of the wife should be kept and preserved and her
shortcomings hidden. No private affairs should be made public or shared
as a conversation item, even among the closest friends. The Messenger of
Allah (Peace be upon Him) said:
“One of the worst people in the
sight of Allah on the Day of Resurrection is a man who has intimate
relations with his wife, or a wife who has the same with her husband,
then one of them discloses that privacy to others.
“[Muslim #1437 & others]
It
is the right of the married woman to spend the night with her husband
and have sexual fulfillment, satisfaction, and gratification. This right
is one of the most emphasized rights in Islam, equal to the need of man
to have his fulfillment. The husband is required and obliged by Islamic
law to fulfill the sexual rights of his spouse, to ensure the
satisfaction of the spouse so as to prevent her from being inclined
towards shameful acts, may Allah forbid. A spouse, as any other female,
has a great need for being loved and cherished, cared for, and
fulfillment of her natural and physical rightful desires.
Islam
forbids husbands from engaging themselves in matters of physical worship
and devotions, like prayers and fasting, in a way that may detract them
from attending to their spouses physical, sexual and social needs. In a
famous incident Salman Al-Farisi (may Allah exalt their mention)
reported:
“I went to visit my brother in faith, Abu-Darda (may Allah
exalt their mention) and upon arrival, I was greeted by his spouse Um
Darda (may Allah exalt their mention) who was in an unkempt state.
Seeing that, I asked her, What is the matter with you; why are you in
this state and not attentive to your husband?’
She said: Your brother, Abu-Darda has no interest in this world and its affairs. He spends his nights praying and days fasting!
Upon the arrival of Abu-Darda, who welcomed Salman and offered him some food, Salman said: Why do not you eat with me?
Abu-Darda said: I am fasting.
Salman said: By Allah you must break your fast and eat with me.
Abu-Darda
broke his fast and ate with Salman. Salman spent that night with
Abu-Darda, and Abu Darda got up during the night to offer some night
prayers whereupon Salman stopped him from doing so, saying: Your body
has certain rights upon you, your Lord has certain rights upon you, and
your family has certain rights upon you. Fast some days and break the
fast on others, approach your spouse (for marital relations). Grant
everyone their due right.
Just before the break of dawn, Salman
permitted Abu-Darda to get up and offer prayers. Both of them rose,
performed ablution, offered prayers and then headed to the Masjid to
offer Fajr (dawn) prayer. Upon finishing the prayer with the Prophet of
Allah (Peace be upon Him) Abu-Darda reported to the Prophet about the
incident. The Prophet of Allah (Peace be upon Him) said: Salman has
spoken the truth.”
[Bukhari #1867 ]
Considering the needs of his
wife, a husband should not be away from home for an extended period of
time. Caliph Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah exalt their mention) after
consulting with his daughter Hafsa (may Allah exalt their mention) about
the length of the period a woman can patiently bear her husband’s
absence, set this period six months.
Abdur-Razaq and others narrated a famous story that:
“Umar ibn al-Khattab (may Allah exalt their mention) was making night rounds when he heard a woman lament:
The night has grown long, and its end is dark and black,
I am sleepless since I have, with whom to play, no lover,
If there was not (the Lord) whose Throne is above the Heavens,
The sides of this bed, would roll, shake and quiver!
In
the morning he went to her and asked her the reason for her poetry, and
she answered that her husband had gone with the soldiers on a long
campaign. Umar then conferred with his daughter Hafsa on how long a
woman can be patient for her husband to return. After some moments of
hesitation and embarrassment, in which he convinced her that this
question was for the general good of the Muslims, she replied six
months.”
After this, Umar would close a campaign within six months so
that they could return to their wives within that time. This period is
approximate since circumstances may allow it to be less, or force it to
be more. She may tolerate the absence of her husband for more than six
months, or she may demand him to come back before that time.
The
husband may not refuse or deny his spouse’s legitimate request unless he
has a valid excuse. A husband must not make any financial decisions on
behalf of his spouse unless she gives him such permission. The husband
has no right to take any of his spouse’s financial assets without her
approval. He should also consult his spouse in the major household
decisions, children’s affairs and other mutual affairs. It is not wise
to dictate a man’s opinion upon the other members of the family without
listening to the spouse’s opinion, as long as her opinion is wise and
correct. Allah’s Prophet (Peace be upon Him) gave us a practical example
in this matter. On the “Day of the Pact” with the Quraish tribe, the
Prophet (Peace be upon Him) commanded his companions to shave their
heads and to exit the state of‘, but they were slow and did not hasten
to fulfill his command. Um Salamah (may Allah exalt their mention) his
wife, recommended that he do so himself and then go out before his
companions. Allah’s Prophet acted upon the recommendation of his wife,
doing what she suggested, and when the companions saw his action they
all hastened in obedience.
A husband must avoid counting every
innocent mistake his spouse may make. For instance, the Prophet of Allah
(Peace be upon Him) said:
“A husband should not come to his home from a journey late at night (i.e. without announcing his arrival in advance).”
[Bukhari #4948 & Muslim#715]
This
recommendation is given so that the wife may comb her hair or wash
herself and that the husband may not find his spouse in an unprepared
state, which might become a reason for his displeasure. Of course with
the modern facilities, nowadays husbands have the ability to inform
their wives well in advance, whether the arrival is during the daytime
or late in the night. It is the obligation of a husband to be kind,
attentive, sharing and caring with his spouse. He must deal with her
with honesty, decency, patience and care, and must take into
consideration her human nature. Women appreciate being loved tenderly
and well taken care of. A husband must demonstrate his affection, love,
appreciation, caring, consideration and genuine keenness of his spouse.
The
system of divorce in Islam is designed to protect the rights and
interests of the women, and allow ample opportunity and time for
reconciliation. We will discuss in more detail below, but here we only
mention that in divorce, as in marriage, one must act decent with civil
behavior to assure the right of both parties, as Allah, the Most Wise,
says:
(Divorce is two times: then one may retain with goodness (and
reasonable terms), or let go with goodness (and reasonable terms).)
[2:229]
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